02-05-2015 Yellow Light Zone

I apologize for my silence lately. I have been doing a mental tune-up.

Thanks to all your prayers and support, everything seems to be going WELL for me. The clinical trail of immunology therapy is stabilizing my health condition (the verdict is April 2) .  Our foster daughter, Dena is waiting to get her Chinese passport approved within a month and we will then process her U.S. visa to visit us.

With everything going smoothly, I should be jumping for joy, right? I am hesitating...I'm adapting to live in "YELLOW light" zone. My nurse-in-charge urged me to "go back to live a normal life".

What's normal life for Jamie? What I thought was "normal" was work hard like everyone else, and try not to disappoint your families and friends. This "do it all" mentality has nailed me to the cancer zone not once but twice already.

So this time, I isolated myself in this bubble mansion to feel "save" and "loved".

My friends told me to focus on healing first, so I can continue to do things I wanted. But deep inside, I know I would never return to my old lifestyle again. I will always have this "red light" flashing at me even at dark corners of my life.

Oh, how I envy those of you still can run freely in the GREEN light zone! Even though our lives will eventually hit Red light someday.  Take it from me, it's a blessing not knowing when you or your loved will hit "RED".

So, just keep living.